Long time since I posted - quite an emotional roller coaster on many levels. Family matters still keeping me awake at night, with a continuing distance looming between my youngest sibling & myself. I am trying to right things, knowing in this instance the results of all the various causes and effects have not been my doing. I don't like the feeling this estrangement brings on.
Also just past passed the day when my son would have been married. How difficult was that....still wondering what went wrong in their relationship - yet knowing I can do nothing at all to "fix" it. Then, just when I thought he had given in and given over all that he had to her, practically, I discover that she is still using one ticket overseas that was to be the honeymoon - not sure what I think of that. Maybe she really is experiencing such physical and emotional pain, this was her solace, as my taking my son away with me was (I trust) for him also.
My wonderful "other family" - my work colleagues still continue to support me and just....be there. I have never had this in other employment. A job that is varied, a pleasure, provides many rewards is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. The move to another state, cutting some ties and commitments, has indeed refreshed my soul and continues to provide me with pleasant surprises that could not have been envisaged in the western location...what a great move I made!
Through all of this, my dear mother continues to surprise us all - even in the face of losing dad. Luckily she is not aware at all of all the underlying spitefulness and hurt her children are causing each other - pray that she remains out of it. However the culmination in the rift between my sister & myself included, rather unprofessionally, the staff at he facility where Mum now calls home, and whilst I am not entirely sure of "all sides of the story", currently I remain very disappointed with the totally unexpected and unwarranted outcomes. I would normally pursue such goings on in my own way, questioning and attempting to discover why, but feel that at this time that this would prove futile - someone is lying - I may never know who.....
